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This memorial website was created in the memory of our son, Joshuah Daniel Neubauer who was born on October 13, 2000 and entered Heaven's gates December 8, 2000. We will remember him forever.
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Don't Cry for me Daddy
Don't cry for me Daddy,
I'm right here.
Although you can't see me
I see your tears.
I visit you often,
I go to work with you each day,
And when it's time for you
to close your eyes,
On your pillow is where I lay.
I hold your hand &
stroke your hair,
And whisper in your ear.
If you're sad today Daddy,
Remember, I am here.
God took me home.
This we know is true.
But you'll always be My Daddy
Even though I'm not with you.
We will never be apart,
For every time you think of me,
Please know I'm in your heart..........
~Author Unknown
Someone Is Missing
Someone is missing from our dinner table,
from our bedroom and our home.
Someone is missing from holiday celebrations,
family vacations and everywhere in between.
Someone is missing from our lives,
Our oldest one is gone.
He will not have birthday parties, graduations, or celebrations.
We will miss him throughout eternity
and our family will never be complete.
Someone is missing, yet we go on.
Our lives are touched by him.
Changed forever by his brief existence.
His memory we keep alive.
He lives in our hearts and minds,
We were blessed by his short life.
Our love for him forever strong.
Even though...someone will always be...MISSING.
~D. Lutz
Mother's & Father's Day
© Ferna Lary Mills
It's so very hard to understand
why one so small is taken,
leaving a Mom and Dad behind
with hearts so badly aching.
There are so many things in life
that no one really understands.
But the child you hold in your heart,
God now holds in His hands.
Cared for and nurtured by the Father,
he will grow and mature in His love,
while angels guide and protect him
in her Heavenly home up above.
They will tell her he was, oh, so special
to you both, in every way ~
as they spend countless hours preparing
for your reunion One Grand Day!
They will take him to the edges of Heaven
and let him look, often, down below
to see the Mom and Dad down here
that he didn't get much time to know.
So as you gaze up into the sky,
know he's now in a Glorious place,
and maybe he's looking back to you ~
searching for a smile upon your face.
For I'm certain that in his little heart
it grieves him to see you so sad,
for he knows he had the very best ~
The world's greatest Mom and Dad!
Because of You
Because of you I appreciate the sunset more than before.
Because of you I stop to look up at the moon and wish upon a star.
Because of you I look forward to hearing the birds sing in the morning,
and thank God for their beautiful songs.
Because of you I am more understanding of others and accept people for who they are.
Because of you material things do not matter.
Because of you the touch of someone you love is more precious than any gift you can receive.
Because of you I have a broken heart but I thank God for sending you to me.
For there is no stronger love than I hold for you.
Until we meet again...
~J. Melia
The Gift
For Grieving Fathers on Fathers Day
Here I sit and stare....
out the window of our home..,
On this Fathers day...
Feeling so very alone.
Oh, how I wish....
My child was still here....
Bringing me a Fathers day gift...
Even an ugly tie would be so nice this year.
But...my child has gone on to Heaven...
And is playing on streets of gold...
Listening to Jesus tell stories...
of so many years ago.
And today I find myself thinking...
about the meaning of a gift....
For a gift is something given to you...
that makes you smile and gives you a lift.
But...many times we receive a gift....
And then lose it or misplace it some day...
But we never forget the gift...
For the memories remain tucked away.
I think I have concluded...
On this Fathers day....
That since a gift is yours once given...
It can never be taken away.
And the most precious gift...that I was given....
To me ...so many years ago....
Was the day my child entered this world....
And touched my life, heart, and soul.
So on this Fathers day....
I thank the Lord for the most precious gift of mine....
My child in Heaven...treasured times and memories....
That will remain with me...my entire lifetime.
For a Gift is a gift...
And my most precious gift....remains in my heart...
And just then...a rainbow appears out my window....
reminding me....that my gift and Heaven are not so far.
Copyright © June 2001 Written by :
Laura/Heavenly Lights Childrens Memorial
Library of Congress TX5-627-966
Unauthorized reprinting of this poem in any form
is prohibited without the prior consent of the author.
All rights reserved.
www.heavenlylights.homestead.com
Comfort
Surrounded by friends
yet all alone
the one we love
God has called home
the hugs of friends
helps ease the pain
and we know our loss
is our loved one's gain
but tears now flow
across our face
as we long for just
one more embrace
then comfort comes
and we see Christ's face
He hugs my loved one
and we feel God's grace.
Author Unknown
Happy Fathers Day...
From Your Angel In Heaven
Oh, Dearest Daddy...
What can I say today?
To help mend your broken heart
On this Fathers day?
You know I would be there with you
If only there was a way
Although I am in Heaven now
It’s in your heart I will always stay.
Just like you were always there for me
I will always be there for you
Just look for a sign and you will see me
In each sunrise...and each sunset too.
Remember the game we used to play?
"How much do I love you?" you'd say with a smile
but this time MY arms are outstretched so far
for my love for you goes on for miles and miles.
My love for you, daddy
will always be true...
you are the best daddy in the world
and that includes the Heavens too!
So, I'm sending all my love
to you from Heaven today
and remember I will be with you
Just look for me on this Fathers day.
I love you daddy!
From your angel in Heaven above
Copyright © June 2001 Written by :
Laura/Heavenly Lights Childrens Memorial
Library of Congress TX5-627-966
Unauthorized reprinting of this poem in any form
is prohibited without the prior consent of the author.
All rights reserved. Thank you!
www.heavenlylights.homestead.com
I Will Carry You
Angie Smith
There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?
People say that I am brave, but I'm not truth is I'm barely hanging on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this
So I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One Who's chosen me
To carry you
Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says...
I've shown his photographs of time beginning
Walked him through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love him like this?
I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And I will praise the One Who's chosen Me
To carry you
Lullabies
Daddy please don`t look so sad,
Mommy please don’t cry.
I am in the arms of Jesus
and He sings me lullabies.
Please do not try to question God,
don`t think He is unkind.
Don`t think He sent me to you and that
He changed His mind.
You see, I am special
and I`m needed up above.
I`m the special child you gave Him,
the product of your love.
I`ll always be there with you.
So watch the sky at night.
Find the brightest star that`s gleaming.
That`s my halo`s brilliant light.
So Daddy please don`t look so sad.
Mommy please don`t cry.
I am in the arms of Jesus.
And He sings me lullabies.
~Author Unknown
Laying there on the floor unaware of what's to come
That soon God would open his doors
And welcome you to his kingdom
If I could see you one last time
Laying there on the floor
I’d pick you up and hold you once more
I’d tell you that I love you
And that I’d miss you bunches
But til the day arrives
When I will see you with my eyes
And hold you again
I’ll hold you where you’ve always been and that is in my heart.
Megan Lamont
My Sweet Boy …
I remember the day that I first learned of you
I quickly noted of when you'd be due
I was nervous and scared - could this really be?
When years come to pass, what would you think of me
The next nine months were all but a rush
Your brand new life was in my hands to trust
You would look at me with such innocent eyes
Now, only my memories hold the sound of your sighs
Your life here on earth was so short, but sweet
Not an enemy or danger you will ever meet
I pray at night that it was nothing I did
That took your life---they called it SIDS
It is hard to accept and just stand by
The questions I have of HOW and WHY?
For every day that passes, my heart aches
Reluctant I am… a new life I must make
So now that you play in Heaven above
Please remember you mommy's eternal love
Remember my kisses, I'll see you again
I'll love you forever, my sweet boy.
Joshuah ~ May you always know how deeply you are loved . . . and how very special you are. May you know that we love you completely, totally, always and forever!
I Never Felt ...
adapted by Angie Neubauer
I never felt pain
Until I had a life taken away
A life that was a part of my body
A part of my living days
I never felt sorrow
Until I saw my son's face
I never felt shock
Until I held his little body in my embrace
I never felt hate
Until I saw there was nothing I could do
I never felt lost
Until I really could feel & knew
I never felt helpless
Until I held my son in my arms
I never felt bewildered
Until there was no more of his charms
I never realized how short time could be
Until that one day Josh was taken away from me
I never cried so hard in such strife
Until that one day took my son's life.
My Everyday Conversation
Written by Tracy Weeks
In memory of Jenica Lynn Weeks (4/23/98- 6/19/98) adapted by Angie Neubauer
"...You've been married 9 years? My, you don't look that old.
Do you have any children?" That's when my blood runs cold.
This person who stands before me is considering me a friend
I hope this time is easier. " Well, here I go again..."
"We do have children, four of them! Two boys & two girls, you see."
"How wonderful! How old are they?"
"...They are 7, 5, and 19 months."
"I thought you said that you have four."
"I do...my first child passed away."
"Oh my God! How old was he?"
"He was 8 weeks old."
I hold my breath and wait, for I know what's about to happen
"Oh, how sad ...if that happened to me...I can't begin to imagine!"
"You're lucky that he died so young, before you both could bond."
"He's in a better place, you know he's safe up there with God."
"Did the babysitter kill him?"
"Maybe he was sick."
"Boy, you guys sure were able to replace him mighty quick."
"It's been 7 years...do you still think of him on his birth date?"
"Isn't SIDS that thing they say when they really suffocate?"
"You mean you didn't have some feeling that he might die that day?"
"Someday you'll "get over it" and your tears will go away."
I hope you never have to feel what I feel everyday
So as you're voicing your ideas I really want to say...
"My innocence died on December 8th, 2000.
My son's death has ripped my heart, but now I feel no hate
For the only way you could understand is if you lost your baby, too
It's obvious you have your innocence...you should thank God that you do.
So when you see us with our three please try to get this right
We have four we love, three that run and one that's taken flight!"
Some days
I want to die
Just to be with you again.
Then I remember life’s beauty
And I live to honor you.
Some days
I wish for one more day with you,
One more moment to hold you, touch you, kiss you.
Then I realize “one more” would never be enough
And I choose to cherish “the ones” I had.
Some days
You invade my every thought.
All I see is your beautiful face, your perfect body
And I long to hold you again…
But instead I must hold onto memories.
Some days
I think of all that could have been
All that should have been, with you here…
And my heart breaks without you –
Then your siblings make my heart soar.
Some days
I feel such unbearable sorrow
I miss you so –
And I know I’d rather feel that forever
Than to never have known you.
Some days
I see families who have not endured this pain.
I envy their pure, unadulterated joy.
Then I realize your life has made my joys bigger, my will stronger
As I rise above the sorrow of your death.
Some days
I’d give anything to have you here,
To see your precious face and give you all my love.
Then I remember that love
Is all you ever knew.
Some days
I glow with pride as people speak of you
They send you gifts, balloons, notes –
All Heaven-bound
And I smile because you are known to them, part of them, loved by them.
Some days
I am so overjoyed to have your siblings in my life
That for a moment I can’t imagine being happier…
Then I think if you were still here
My joy would be uncontainable.
Some day
Perhaps we’ll all be together again.
My kids will be reunited,
My husband’s spirit will soar
And finally I will feel whole.
Some day
My precious, beloved son,
I will dance with you in Heaven
And I will never let you go.
…For now, sweet baby, I carry you with me.
You are in all I do, all I love, all that I am.
Your life has defined me and we are inseparable.
The Pit
The day my child died, I fell into the pit of grief. My friends watched me struggle through daily life; waiting for the person I once was to arise from the pit, not realizing "she" is gone forever. The pit is full of darkness, heartache and despair; it paralyzes your thoughts, movements and ability to ration. The pit leaves you forever changed, unable to surface the person you once were.
Some of my pre-grief friends gather around the top of the pit, waiting for the old me to appear before their eyes, not understanding what's taking me so long to emerge. After all, in their eyes, I've been in the pit for quite sometime. Yet in my eyes, it seems as if I fell in only yesterday.
Not all of my pre-grief friends are gathered around the top of the pit. Some are helping me with the climb out of the darkness. They climb side by side with me from time to time, but mostly they climb ahead of me, waiting patiently at each plateau. Even with these friends I sometimes wonder if they are also waiting for the pre-grief me to magically appear before their eyes.
Then there are the casual acquaintances, you know the ones who say, "Hi, how are you?" when they really don't care or really want to know. These are the people who sigh in relief, that it is my child who died and not theirs. You know ... the "better them, than me" attitude.
My post-grief friends are the ones who climb with me, side by side, inch by inch, out of the pit of grief. They have no way of comparing the pit climber to the pre-grief person I once was. You see, they started at the bottom of the pit with me. They are able to reassure me when I need reassurance, rest when I need resting, and encourage me to move forward when I don't have the strength. They have no expectations, no memories and no recollection of how I "should" be. They want me to get better, to smile more often and find joy in life, but they also accepted the person I've become. The "person" who is emerging from the pit.
Author Unknown
Just For Today
Just for today, I will try to live through the next 24 hours...not expecting to get over my child's death, but learning to live with it...one day at a time
Just for today, I'll remember my child's life, not his death, and bask in the comfort of the treasured days and moments we shared.
Just for today, I will forgive all the family and friends who didn't help or comfort me the way I needed them to. They truly did not know how.
Just for today, I will reach out to comfort a relative or friend of my child. For they are hurting too, and perhaps we can help each other.
Just for today, I will free myself from my self-inflicted burden of guilt. For deep in my heart, I know if there was anything in this world I could have done to save my child from death, I would have done it.
Just for today, I will honor my child's memory by doing something with another child, be it my own, or someone else's, because I know that would make my child proud.
Just for today, I will offer my hand in friendship to other bereaved parents, fo I DO know how they feel.
Just for today, I will smile...no matter how much I hurt on the inside...for maybe if I smile a little, my heart will soften and I will begin to heal.
Just for today, I will allow myself to be happy and enjoy myself, for I know I am not deserting my child by moving on.
Just for today, I will accept that I did NOT die when my child did. My life did go on and I am the ONLY one who can make that life worthwhile again.
~by V.Tushingham, taken from the Bereaved Parents of the USA Tampa Bay Newsletter, Sept 2001.
My Forever Child
You are a Precious Child
Created out of love,
a blessing from above.
I've adored you from the start,
and your little footprints touched my heart.
A single teardrop represents the millions I have cried.
My life never the same since you died.
I wish you could have stayed longer with me,
I'd watch you grow into all you could be.
Although we are no longer together,
Your beautiful spirit will endeavor.
I dream of a joyful time when
we will be reunited once again.
Thoughts of you make me smile.
You will always be My Forever Child
~Susan Mosquera, all rights reserved
" A Life so Brief, A child so small.
You had the power to touch us all "
As we cling to the dreams we had for our precious Joshuah - dreams like those of any new parent - we also cherish the memories of our brief time together, knowing they must now fill a lifetime. We will forever be grateful for your support and understanding as we move forward - always loving, never forgetting.
Please feel free to write a tribute or light a candle!
It would mean so much to us to know that you were here.
LINKS
http://www.sidsfamilies.com
http://www.irisremembers.com
http://kilian-donahue.memory-of.com/about.aspx
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