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This memorial website was created in the memory of our son, Joshuah Daniel Neubauer who was born on October 13, 2000 and entered Heaven's gates December 8, 2000. We will remember him forever.
Happy 8th Birthday
Joni Aubin
Today is the day that you would be eight
A celebration of joy, laughter, and fun
Instead I stand at your grave and cry
Wishing, praying and asking God why
You’ll never grow up, you’ll never get old
I’ll never get to hold you, or tend to a cold
I’ll never know what you would grow up to be
My only confidence, you’re a part of me
You entered my world, like a shining new star
My hope is now shattered, true happiness afar
As the balloons and the butterflies go up to the skies
We’re reminded that always love never dies
Today you would be eight
I celebrate through tears
Happy Birthday my Joshuah
My angel through years
Love, Mommy
It's my eighth birthday in Heaven,
what a joy to partake.
My presents are flowers and rainbows
and angel food cake.
My crib is decorated with roses and glitter.
And the stars that shine upon me
make everything shimmer.
The other angels are dancing and
singing me songs.
Soon Jesus will be joining me,
It won't be long.
We'll all gather and pray
for my loved ones on earth,
Who love me so much,
from the day of my birth.
You see, Birthdays in Heaven
are full of happiness and cheer.
We celebrate with our loved ones,
who proceeded us here.
Yes, Birthdays in Heaven
are wonderful and gay.
One day we will celebrate together,
for that moment, Mommy and Daddy, I pray,
I heard you crying yesterday
And felt your heart-sent love
So I'm sending you this message
Now, from Heaven up above.
You're wondering if I'll celebrate
My birthday (way up here)
I know you're missing me today
I feel your essence near.
God planned a special day for me
He told me with a wink
He'd ordered me a special cake
(It's Angel food, I think)
I'm getting lots of hugs from God
He's really good at that
And every time that I walk by
He gives my head a pat
Balloons will fill the streets for me
They float up through the clouds
And we have lots of clowns up here
That make us laugh out loud
There is a birthday carousel
Jeweled horses ride the wind
With music playing oh so sweet...
The magic never ends
I've made so many friends, you see
We laugh and play and sing
We ride our bikes and play jump rope
And sleep in Angel's wings
We'll have our cake and ice cream
And open gifts, surprise!
But we don't blow out our candles here
Instead, they light the skies
I Will Carry You
Angie Smith
There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?
People say that I am brave, but I'm not truth is I'm barely hanging on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this
So I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One Who's chosen me
To carry you
Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says...
I've shown his photographs of time beginning
Walked him through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love him like this?
I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And I will praise the One Who's chosen Me
To carry you
In October
When all the leaves have changed
When they are falling to the ground
And the big day comes around
I will remember
How you came to me on that warm day
In October
When your birthday comes
When I am saddened
To think you are already gone
I will remember
The sweet sound of your first cry
In October
When I am overcome with fear
When I become afraid to open my eyes
And face the day of your birth without you
I will remember
What it feels like to be your mother
Even if only for a little while
In October
When I feel the tears come
When I hide them and fight for a fake smile
So no one will know how very badly it hurts
I will remember
You for who you are
In October
When I weep for you
When I think of how little time
You and I had to get to know one another
I will remember
That, for that little while, you were mine and I was yours
In October
When it becomes too much
When holding my head up is impossible
Because there are too many memories and too little time
I will remember
That you are happy and one day I will get the chance
to make up for all our lost time.
In October........
Bereaved Birthdays
Unknown
Birthdays are a time for celebration
Not a time for tears
But what happens when the birthdays
No longer mark the years
A birthday marks the moment
A spirit enters earthly life
To share its special love and joy
And learn from earthly strife
Before a spirit comes to us,
It knows when and how it must depart
It chooses its path carefully,
We are honored from the start
The sadness we now feel on such a joyus day
Is longing for our loved one's touch
It's natural to feel this way
For even though the birthdays
No longer mark a spirit's stay
Love continues on forever
To touch us everyday
I hug my precious memories
Close to my heart
And honor my beloved spirit child
Who chose me from the start.
This angel touched your hearts
For only just a while
To teach you what it means to love
And show you how to smile
He could not stay for long
For God soon would call him home
But he left behind these memories
To carry with you when you roam
He taught you through his courage
And the strength it took to live
And to see his eyes and smile
Oh, what you wouldn't give
Now your tears of sorrow fall
But through each tear there is a light
For this end is not goodbye
Its only time till you'll unite
For one day the skies will open
And God's hands, they will unfold
And your precious baby will await
For your arms to hold
So till then, hold on
Keep his legend in your hearts
And know the journey isn't done
It's only just the start...
Author Unknown
Laying there on the floor unaware of what's to come
That soon God would open his doors
And welcome you to his kingdom
If I could see you one last time
Laying there on the floor
I’d pick you up and hold you once more
I’d tell you that I love you
And that I’d miss you bunches
But til the day arrives
When I will see you with my eyes
And hold you again
I’ll hold you where you’ve always been and that is in my heart.
Megan Holicky
My Sweet Boy …
I remember the day that I first learned of you
I quickly noted of when you'd be due
I was nervous and scared - could this really be?
When years come to pass, what would you think of me
The next nine months were all but a rush
Your brand new life was in my hands to trust
You would look at me with such innocent eyes
Now, only my memories hold the sound of your sighs
Your life here on earth was so short, but sweet
Not an enemy or danger you will ever meet
I pray at night that it was nothing I did
That took your life---they called it SIDS
It is hard to accept and just stand by
The questions I have of HOW and WHY?
For every day that passes, my heart aches
Reluctant I am… a new life I must make
So now that you play in Heaven above
Please remember you mommy's eternal love
Remember my kisses, I'll see you again
I'll love you forever, my sweet boy.
Joshuah ~ May you always know how deeply you are loved . . . and how very special you are. May you know that we love you completely, totally, always and forever!
Sweet Memories
adapted by Angie Neubauer
As I stand here, in the rain;
I wonder....... can it be?
My sweet baby love Joshy;
Playin' a water fight with me.
I look up, to find you;
But, I just can't see -
I know, you're up there somewhere;
The long lost part of me.
I'll never get over this,
Only try to get through -
You were only 56 days;
You were.... oh so new.
I want you, to keep you;
To keep you, to want-
You were the love of my life;
That vision of the end.... will always haunt.
I'll close this for now;
Sure to never end -
I'll think of you forever;
My heart will never mend.
I Never Felt ...
adapted by Angie Neubauer
I never felt pain
Until I had a life taken away
A life that was a part of my body
A part of my living days
I never felt sorrow
Until I saw my son's face
I never felt shock
Until I held his little body in my embrace
I never felt hate
Until I saw there was nothing I could do
I never felt lost
Until I really could feel & knew
I never felt helpless
Until I held my son in my arms
I never felt bewildered
Until there was no more of his charms
I never realized how short time could be
Until that one day Josh was taken away from me
I never cried so hard in such strife
Until that one day took my son's life.
My Everyday Conversation
Written by Tracy Weeks
In memory of Jenica Lynn Weeks (4/23/98- 6/19/98) adapted by Angie Neubauer
"...You've been married 9 years? My, you don't look that old.
Do you have any children?" That's when my blood runs cold.
This person who stands before me is considering me a friend
I hope this time is easier. " Well, here I go again..."
"We do have children, four of them! Two boys & two girls, you see."
"How wonderful! How old are they?"
"...They are 6, 5, and 11 months."
"I thought you said that you have four."
"I do...my first child passed away."
"Oh my God! How old was he?"
"He was 8 weeks old."
I hold my breath and wait, for I know what's about to happen
"Oh, how sad ...if that happened to me...I can't begin to imagine!"
"You're lucky that he died so young, before you both could bond."
"He's in a better place, you know he's safe up there with God."
"Did the babysitter kill him?"
"Maybe he was sick."
"Boy, you guys sure were able to replace him mighty quick."
"It's been 7 years...do you still think of him on his birth date?"
"Isn't SIDS that thing they say when they really suffocate?"
"You mean you didn't have some feeling that he might die that day?"
"Someday you'll "get over it" and your tears will go away."
I hope you never have to feel what I feel everyday
So as you're voicing your ideas I really want to say...
"My innocence died on December 8th, 2000.
My son's death has ripped my heart, but now I feel no hate
For the only way you could understand is if you lost your baby, too
It's obvious you have your innocence...you should thank God that you do.
So when you see us with our three please try to get this right
We have four we love, three that run and one that's taken flight!"
Some days
I want to die
Just to be with you again.
Then I remember life’s beauty
And I live to honor you.
Some days
I wish for one more day with you,
One more moment to hold you, touch you, kiss you.
Then I realize “one more” would never be enough
And I choose to cherish “the ones” I had.
Some days
You invade my every thought.
All I see is your beautiful face, your perfect body
And I long to hold you again…
But instead I must hold onto memories.
Some days
I think of all that could have been
All that should have been, with you here…
And my heart breaks without you –
Then your siblings make my heart soar.
Some days
I feel such unbearable sorrow
I miss you so –
And I know I’d rather feel that forever
Than to never have known you.
Some days
I see families who have not endured this pain.
I envy their pure, unadulterated joy.
Then I realize your life has made my joys bigger, my will stronger
As I rise above the sorrow of your death.
Some days
I’d give anything to have you here,
To see your precious face and give you all my love.
Then I remember that love
Is all you ever knew.
Some days
I glow with pride as people speak of you
They send you gifts, balloons, notes –
All Heaven-bound
And I smile because you are known to them, part of them, loved by them.
Some days
I am so overjoyed to have your siblings in my life
That for a moment I can’t imagine being happier…
Then I think if you were still here
My joy would be uncontainable.
Some day
Perhaps we’ll all be together again.
My kids will be reunited,
My husband’s spirit will soar
And finally I will feel whole.
Some day
My precious, beloved son,
I will dance with you in Heaven
And I will never let you go.
…For now, sweet baby, I carry you with me.
You are in all I do, all I love, all that I am.
Your life has defined me and we are inseparable.
The Pit
The day my child died, I fell into the pit of grief. My friends watched me struggle through daily life; waiting for the person I once was to arise from the pit, not realizing "she" is gone forever. The pit is full of darkness, heartache and despair; it paralyzes your thoughts, movements and ability to ration. The pit leaves you forever changed, unable to surface the person you once were.
Some of my pre-grief friends gather around the top of the pit, waiting for the old me to appear before their eyes, not understanding what's taking me so long to emerge. After all, in their eyes, I've been in the pit for quite sometime. Yet in my eyes, it seems as if I fell in only yesterday.
Not all of my pre-grief friends are gathered around the top of the pit. Some are helping me with the climb out of the darkness. They climb side by side with me from time to time, but mostly they climb ahead of me, waiting patiently at each plateau. Even with these friends I sometimes wonder if they are also waiting for the pre-grief me to magically appear before their eyes.
Then there are the casual acquaintances, you know the ones who say, "Hi, how are you?" when they really don't care or really want to know. These are the people who sigh in relief, that it is my child who died and not theirs. You know ... the "better them, than me" attitude.
My post-grief friends are the ones who climb with me, side by side, inch by inch, out of the pit of grief. They have no way of comparing the pit climber to the pre-grief person I once was. You see, they started at the bottom of the pit with me. They are able to reassure me when I need reassurance, rest when I need resting, and encourage me to move forward when I don't have the strength. They have no expectations, no memories and no recollection of how I "should" be. They want me to get better, to smile more often and find joy in life, but they also accepted the person I've become. The "person" who is emerging from the pit.
Author Unknown
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Just For Today
Just for today, I will try to live through the next 24 hours...not expecting to get over my child's death, but learning to live with it...one day at a time
Just for today, I'll remember my child's life, not his death, and bask in the comfort of the treasured days and moments we shared.
Just for today, I will forgive all the family and friends who didn't help or comfort me the way I needed them to. They truly did not know how.
Just for today, I will reach out to comfort a relative or friend of my child. For they are hurting too, and perhaps we can help each other.
Just for today, I will free myself from my self-inflicted burden of guilt. For deep in my heart, I know if there was anything in this world I could have done to save my child from death, I would have done it.
Just for today, I will honor my child's memory by doing something with another child, be it my own, or someone else's, because I know that would make my child proud.
Just for today, I will offer my hand in friendship to other bereaved parents, fo I DO know how they feel.
Just for today, I will smile...no matter how much I hurt on the inside...for maybe if I smile a little, my heart will soften and I will begin to heal.
Just for today, I will allow myself to be happy and enjoy myself, for I know I am not deserting my child by moving on.
Just for today, I will accept that I did NOT die when my child did. My life did go on and I am the ONLY one who can make that life worthwhile again.
~by V.Tushingham, taken from the Bereaved Parents of the USA Tampa Bay Newsletter, Sept 2001.
My Forever Child
You are a Precious Child
Created out of love,
a blessing from above.
I've adored you from the start,
and your little footprints touched my heart.
A single teardrop represents the millions I have cried.
My life never the same since you died.
I wish you could have stayed longer with me,
I'd watch you grow into all you could be.
Although we are no longer together,
Your beautiful spirit will endeavor.
I dream of a joyful time when
we will be reunited once again.
Thoughts of you make me smile.
You will always be My Forever Child
~Susan Mosquera, all rights reserved
" A Life so Brief, A child so small.
You had the power to touch us all "
As we cling to the dreams we had for our precious Joshuah - dreams like those of any new parent - we also cherish the memories of our brief time together, knowing they must now fill a lifetime. We will forever be grateful for your support and understanding as we move forward - always loving, never forgetting.
Please feel free to write a tribute or light a candle!
It would mean so much to us to know that you were here.
LINKS
http://www.sidsfamilies.com
http://www.irisremembers.com
http://kilian-donahue.memory-of.com/about.aspx
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Tributes and Condolences
